One of my Gay friends asked me, "If there are all these advantages to sex while in a relationship with someone, why can only straight people enjoy these advantages?" That's why I think that asking all homosexual people to remain celibate isn't the answer. Not everybody is born with the ability to be celibate and not have sex (like a monk or a nun). And for us (straight Christians) to assume that one can change from being homosexual to heterosexual is going too far, and ignorant. I realize some Gay people do that sometimes, but not many... from what I have read in my research on Ex-Gay Ministries. It is much better, I think, to not assume a Gay person will stop having sex and be celibate or to turn to heterosexual sex once they are saved/ become a Christian. It seems a bit ignorant to me to go there… actually very ignorant. But I have to leave that door open as an option for those that become saved and feel the conviction to change. More correctly said, to return to their heterosexual innate desires that they had abandoned, if that is the case. As my Pastor encouraged me to ask a Gay person, “Do you want to be freed from this homosexual lifestyle?” I think that is perhaps a good place to start. But if the answer is “NO, I feel that this is the way I have been since I was born and I have never been anything but homosexual, this is not a choice for me.” Then we should accept that as their answer and move on to other ways they can live a Spirit filled life that would be honorable to God.
Those people that "change" after they are saved are probably dealing with some other issues. Issues that caused them to leave their heterosexual instincts, for sex and love, and seek after same-sex encounters or relationships. I am definitely not pointing fingers to any specific person as having this issue or being that type of person. But if someone comes across my path, or any of my Gay Christian friends path, and fits into this category of people we should be supportive as their brother and sister in Christ to encourage them to follow their conscience and do what they feel is right. It would be an injustice to that person to encourage them to seek out same-sex partnerships or to remain celibate if they feel that they need to turn away from their "homosexual lifestyle" after they are saved and receive the Holy Spirit in their heart and feel led to do so. For that person the homosexual act and “lifestyle” would be a lie and be living in bondage to their sin. Even if YOU (my Gay Christian friends) are not that person and are genetically Gay and will never be attracted to the opposite sex none of us should close our mind to the idea that some people out there ARE the person that Paul describes in Romans chapter 1. Those described in Romans had turned away from God and were given over to lustful desires to want to have sex with the same sex, where before they were drawn to people of the opposite sex. I think the key here is if you have Turned To God and Love God and have been saved and still feel the attraction to the same sex that you cannot be expected to change and all of a sudden want heterosexual sex, just like it would be impossible for a black person to change the color of their skin. Don’t get me wrong though, I do not expect this from the majority of people that are Gay (to "change"/ or “return” to their original innate desires of heterosexual love and sex). I think this person would be few and far between. But… as I said, we do not want to count this possibility out. And we need to be there for everyone, no matter what the situation whether we understand or do not understand why they feel that way. There needs to be the conviction of the Holy Spirit in a person to feel led to repent of their wrong doing, if it was wrong for them in the first place. In this case I am supportive of them to repent of their homosexual lifestyle as a choice that they made as some point in their life, and to return to what God intended for them to be and act as they are suppose to act. (Again, I will restate that I do not think this is the majority of the Gay community. I do think that for most of the Gay community that this is genetic and was not a choice. But we need to not allow Satan a foothold on the lives of those that have been sexually confused and need restoration in their life to who they were intended and created to be by God.)
But I feel I need to address this issue of casual sex in the Gay community. To say that we should allow our fellow Christian brothers and sisters to work out whether they want to have a long lasting sexual relationship vs. having casual sex on the weekends is not what God has intended for us as believers “to work out”. That is not a matter of working out your salvation. Truth is still truth and sin is still sin, and we are to be obedient as best we know how. If you do not feel convicted about casual sex or having sex before committing your life and love to a partner then there is something wrong here. Sex is meant to be an act of bonding two souls together, making you “one flesh” as it would be called in the Bible. And as Christians we are to look to the word of God for direction and not discard the Truth it holds. While the Bible does not address the idea of same-sex partnerships, and monogamous sex between two women or two men, it does discuss sex. (Quick note here, the world would have us believe that as long as we are monogamous during a relationship that sex is okay. Not the idea of being monogamous for life with one person. “Serial monogamy” is a worldly value, not a Christian value or moral.) And if we are going to be fair we should be applying the same rules to Gays as is applied to Straight men and women. If God intended sex for Straight men and women to just be between two married people then the same should go for Gay people. Just because you are Gay doesn’t mean the rules no longer apply. And I say this in love to you. I do not intend to be judgmental and hateful, but as the Bible tells us in Galatians 6:1 “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” And perhaps I am just the person to call out my fellow Gay Christians on this, because I am not tempted to have casual sex with someone of the same sex, nor of the opposite sex. The Apostle Paul talks a lot about the sinful nature versus the Spirit filled life, it’s a large topic covered in Romans and Galatians and many other books that Paul writes. The two are at war inside us, the sinful nature wants to be gratified and the Spirit filled Christian desires to do what is God’s will. It is difficult to put away the sinful desires and just do what is of the Spirit. But we need to strive and do our best. Yes, there is Grace and forgiveness when we slip up, or if we are unable to control ourselves in a fleshly moment (even though God promises us a way out when we are tempted, I Corinthians 10:13). We will not lose our salvation just because we have sex with some casual stranger or switch partners sexually many times in our life. But sin is still sin, and most of all take head the words in Galatians 6:7-9 “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Once you become a believer, are saved, God will start a work in you to make you more and more like Christ, perfect and holy. It’s a continuous work that will not be complete until we die. So sometimes a new believer is tempted and fails to resist and is still caught up in old habits and patterns. But this does not mean that they should be patted on their back and get a thumbs up either. If they fall God will convict them in their heart and they will slowly start to change their behavior and bad sexual habits will be conquered. Amen! And we who are their friends should be continually loving and supportive in their Spiritual journey and offer them up in prayer for strength to resist temptation.
As I mentioned before, that the Bible doesn’t address sex amongst what we would call “life partnerships” or “civil unions” between same sex people, or marriage between same sex people. And as I have been asked before, why can’t the model for marriage in the Bible be applied to any two people, including Gays, that wish to be married? Here are some new thoughts on that. I think that there is something to the argument from the Straight Christian community… God set up marriage originally to be between a man and a woman, for procreation and for the raising of children. I think that is a correct Biblical viewpoint. Perhaps there is something sacred about the word “marriage” that it should only be applied as a definition of a union of one man and one woman. I am not sure why it is that way, and I am not exactly saying that myself… that marriage should only be between one man and one woman, or I would have voted Yes on Prop 8. But it’s an argument that I must listen to and consider and ask, “Why? Why did God set up marriage that way and why can’t it be applied to same-sex partners?”… and that we should all ponder. I can see there is good in what the Lord has created and ordained to be. And perhaps there are reasons unknown to me why He wanted marriage to be defined that way to begin with. But what I can see is that what was first set up to be for procreation is now more than that. Many married people are unable to conceive, or some choose not to have children, yet that is not an abomination to God. And I see that lesbian couples and gay male couples have children of their own and are great parents. And some choose to adopt and are able to provide a wonderful loving home for those children. I don’t see that as harmful, I suppose only time will show me to be wrong or right on that issue, as studies are done and more children grow up with Gay parents. (I am hoping that I am right, and those children are not harmed by being raised by two people of the same sex. Either way, I am not going to be able to stop that from happening, even if I wanted to. And neither is anyone else in the straight Christian community. So its pointless to argue about it.) So, marriage is NOW less about procreation and raising children (although that is definitely still in place for heterosexual couples having children) and more about relationships.
Anyways, so that is why I only consider there to be a couple options for Gay Christians and why I say it is up to their own conscience to decide which is the right path for them. If God set up marriage originally to be between one man and one woman, and sex outside of marriage in ANY circumstance is sin, then there are only a few conclusions that we can come to on the issue of Gay people having sex. I stated in by blog previous to this post that marriage today isn’t perfect as God originally set it up. Divorce is a good example of this, and thus I also extend the grace and understanding to my fellow believers of Christ who are also Gay that believe its okay for them to be married. (read post below) I think my Gay friends should be under the same parameters as Straight Christians. Therefore there are only a couple options: Either don’t have sex and be celibate (or abstain), or marry and have sex with your spouse. Are there Christians Straight or Gay that are participating in the sex act before marriage? Yes. Does that make it right? No. Am I going to spit at them or kick them out of the church for their behavior? No. But am I going to also correct them when it comes up in conversation? Yes. Although I am not to be judgmental and love you I am also not to turn a blind eye to what I know is sin amongst my friends. I also think that God will tug on their hearts and let them know what is right, once they have the Holy Spirit living inside them. So, that is why it’s up to the individual to come to their own conclusion, because I am not Gay and the Bible doesn’t directly address the issue of Gay partnerships. It’s up to each Gay person to decide for them self, is being celibate is the right choice for them, or if marriage is okay for them as a Gay person. Obviously some have come to the conclusion that being in a life-partnership/ marriage is okay, even after being saved. And I do not argue against that, I feel if their conscience is clear and they feel that it’s okay for them to do that then they should have the blessing of God on them and from the church. As I stated before, that type of relationship is not mentioned in the Bible. But is silence support? Just because the word of God doesn’t address something does that mean acceptance? I don’t think we can assume that the answer is “Yes” to those questions. And consider this, others after being saved feel that the act of sex is wrong outside of marriage (speaking strictly about a Gay person this time) and that being married is also not the right thing for them to participate in as a Gay person (because God set up marriage originally to be between one man and one woman), so they are led to stay celibate by their convictions of their own conscience. They think that the act is sinful, and if they are so convicted I say we should support them. You could encourage them to not feel shame in the fact that they desire sex, that is fine. I don’t want anyone to do something merely out of the feeling of shame and guilt. (I think conviction of the Truth is a different feeling than shame of who we are truly created to be.) And if they do desire sex we should not add further pressure on them to be celibate. But if they are happy and feel blessed by God in their decision we should not persuade them otherwise. That is their conscience and to be the work of the leading of the Holy Spirit, I believe. Just as some people are called to a single life in ministry and they then choose to be celibate to serve the Lord. What someone “believes” to be true must be checked. We cannot all just start to write our own version of the Bible. If it is taught against then we should support the Biblical view. And I believe that sex outside of marriage is very adamantly taught against in the Bible.
Jesus hung out with the outcasts and dodgy people, and I think that if He was walking the earth today that he would be hanging out with people that are Gay, no doubt about it. But Jesus also spoke the Truth in LOVE. He spoke the truth to the woman at the well, and to Mary Magdalene, he told them to repent and leave prostitution or stop having sex with multiple men or sex with married men. They were sinning and he called them out on it. So too I believe the Holy Spirit within each believer will call out the sin that is being committed. For you, he may be saying its great to desire that long-lasting relationship with one partner and be totally 100% behind your effort to find that person. For others he may call them to be celibate, perhaps even only for a little while, to seek after Him more fully and to be cleansed of lustful thoughts or some other sexual problems they may be plagued with, such as addiction to porn. But I think God calls all believers to abstain from sex before marriage, not a doubt in my mind about that.
So, in conclusion, where I do have a problem is for any Christian, Gay or Straight, to “believe in” casual sex on the weekends, as if that’s a part of “working out our salvation” and to think its okay and blessed by God. That is not the actions of a Spirit filled person, in my opinion. What I believe is appropriate is to allow Gay Christians to work out on their own whether #1 marriage is okay for them, #2 if marriage is not okay then to be celibate, #3 if marriage is okay then to abstain from sex until married, #4 if they believe only the sex act is wrong but wish to remain in their partnership to be supportive of their endeavor to do so. (But I don’t think #4 is such a great option and not really realistic. Nor would I really be supportive of this for straight people either. If you live with someone and you are attracted to them, but you think that sex with them would be a sin and that being married to them is not an option, then its better to be living separately to keep temptation far away from you. I think this would be the indication of a new believer who has yet to be fully changed and yet to be living according to the Spirit within them. It’s hard to get out of a relationship you have been in for years as an unbeliever after you are saved. But once conviction sets in anyone, Gay or Straight, should take action to correct what is not aligning with God’s word and the convictions within their heart.)
If you want to see Scripture that backs my approach to this subject of homosexuality read Romans chapter 14. You can apply the words about food and drinking to homosexuality. For some it will be a sin, for others it will not be. And for those that it is a sin we need to be wary in how we act around them and what we expose them to. For those who are fully convinced in their own mind that being homosexual is an innate part of them, its genetic and nothing that is wrong, that they have been created by God this way… its not a sin. Their conscience is clean. Each of us will give an account of our actions to God. And we need to stop passing judgment on one another on this subject. Whether you are Gay or Straight and wherever you land in your view about homosexuality being innate or a choice or a little of both, we need to have less judgment and more love towards our Gay brothers and sister in Christ.
Side note to all Christians: I mentioned it before, in a previous post… but the words used in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 6:9, that reads “homosexual offenders” is not talking about Gay people, genetically born-that-way Gay people. That word is not the correct translation of the original Greek anyways. The Greek word is Arsenokites, and in 1 Timothy 1:10 the same word is translated as “sodomite,” which in the Bible is referring to a male prostitute. And that I can stand behind in agreement, prostitution is definitely a sin. But being Gay in and of itself is not. And again, this supports my statement that any sex act outside the bounds of marriage is considered a sin in the Bible. Also, the word "homosexual" wasn't a word until the 19th century and therefore could not be the specific word that Paul intended. And I define a "homosexual" not as a sexual act but as a person who is Gay, to further clarify things. I guess the use of the phrase "homosexual offenders" as referring to a sexual act that is of a male prostitute then I am okay with the translation. But a male prostitute would be someone who has sex with both men and women for money. So, in that sense it is still an incomplete and inaccurate translation.
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