Everyone needs compassion, love that's never failing. Let mercy fall on me. Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Saviour. The Hope of nations. Saviour, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save. Forever, Author of Salvation. He rose and conquered the grave. Jesus conquered the grave.
Those words are so true, "Everyone needs compassion..." I have started reading a book Exchanging the Truth of God for a Lie by Jeremy Marks. He is a gay man, he is married to a woman, he started an Ex-gay ministry called Courage, in the 80's. He Got married in the 90's and eventually figured out, in 2001, that this whole Ex-gay thing isn't working, after a decade passed, putting time and effort into people's lives with no real success to show for it. I don't know how he can still be married, now that he has decided to identify himself as a gay man. But his wife, Bren, writes in the book that they still love each other and that love surpasses all their challenges about their identity or calling in life, gay or straight. Pretty amazing stuff, Love. She even says that for some people God's purpose may be for them to have a same-sex partner, for some to remain single, and for others it may be good to be married (like I have said before). Just kind of blew my mind that these "mixed marriages" (as she labeled it) existed. That even though Jeremy, her husband, has come to realize that people being gay and a Christian is possible, and that forcing gay men to marry straight women is ultimately not fair to either partner... and he is gay himself, that she is still his wife and is happy in that role.
Back to those words... "everyone needs compassion." Jeremy Marks talks about erring on the side of compassion. That is pretty much where I stand in all of this gay versus straight and Christianity stuff. It may be a bit confusing to wrap our minds around all these different situations that God has blessed people in. A gay person marrying a woman, a gay couple being life partners, people deciding to not marry to further God's kingdom and remain single. There just isn't a cut and dry answer to all this. Those of us who are straight need to have some compassion, offer a listening ear and not try to offer all the answers. We need to rely on our faith and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we need to listen first and try not to interfere with God's plans. There are many scenarios that I can think of where the answers may seem obvious, but its not.
I have a friend that was married and then she divorced him because of mental abuse. She told me she is now with a woman. She told me that she had cheated on her husband with women during their marriage. The reasons for her marrying in the first place? I think its complicated. We all grow up with peer pressure and family pressure to be married and have babies. It almost like we are brainwashed all our life to be that person. She was so scared of what her family and friends would think, it took her over a year to tell me what had happened in her life and I had lost complete contact with her. I love her to death and did not point one finger of judgement at her, she was so relieved. I thought, "How sad, that she would be so afraid of me rejecting her as a lesbian that she would avoid me for so long... I just LOVE her, I want what's best for her." I think she did the right thing, divorce her husband. But the affairs during the marriage? Not good. That was sinful. But the thing about affairs is that they are usually a symptom of something. In her case, I believe, she was a lesbian and was living the life of a heterosexual because she couldn't accept that is who she was. It went against her upbringing and her Christian principles. I think that is what causes gay people to act heterosexual and get married, fear and not accepting themself.
In Jeremy Mark's book he talked about people who were married and later fell in love with someone of the same sex, and the torture they felt. Sure, divorce is not part of God's plan. Marriage is a covenant, and God takes it seriously. But there is grace and compassion, from God through the death of His Son, Jesus. We can be forgiven and healed and move on. James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." And we all need healing in our life. The answer isn't always divorce, and it isn't always going to be the right choice to stay and not be with the love of your life, even if they are of the same sex. What is clear to me is that if you cheat on your spouse with someone of the same sex then you need to repent of that. Its not about the fact that its a person of the same sex, its about the cheating, its about the covenant and vows you just broke. God's will is for families to stay together. I know in the situation where someone cheats with a person of the opposite sex, if they leave their spouse and re-marry that person they cheated with the divorce rate is 75%. I have no idea where that number stands if you look at a person who marries their same sex lover. But... my point is, marriage is serious business. And many heterosexual couples have survived infidelity and have been able to be healed and continue to be married. If you are tempted to fool around on your spouse, you need to cut off the relationship with the person you are tempted to be with. Work on your marriage. If you realize you are gay and that you are married you need to see what God's will is for you. Listen to the Holy Spirit, follow His guidance. If you feel you should stay, that there is enough love between you (like Jeremy and Bren Marks) to weather the storms ahead, by all means... stay married! Give your relationship a chance, avoid temptations, stay true to your vows. But if you think that divorce is best for the both of you, to be ultimately happy, then follow your conscience. If your conscience is clear you can move forward without worry. Remember... grace and compassion.
First John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins..." You can have a clear conscience. Trust that God has forgiven you. If you have been unfaithful to your spouse and you confess that sin He will forgive you! Your spouse may have a harder time dealing with that and forgiving you. Your friends and family and church members may have a problem and cause you heartache over your choice. I think you can bank on that. But we all have to live our life according to our conscience and do what we think is right. One day you will be able to look back on your choices and be proud of what you did. Hopefully others will one day be able to understand why you did what you did. But if they don't, oh well!
If God leads your heart to stay in your marriage, even if you realize you are gay, then follow His leading. If God gives you an open door to leave and divorce, and your conscience is clear on that being the case, then follow His leading out the door. Sure... Jesus said divorcing and remarrying is like committing adultery. But God allowed divorce certificates to be handed out by Moses because it was the best solution in some circumstances. I think divorce will always break God's heart, but His child being unloved and miserable will break it as well. Let yourself stand under the umbrella of His grace and compassion. Forgive yourself as He is willing to forgive you. "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16. Find a friend, talk to them, pray for each other and find healing in that confession and compassion. That's what I want to do for all my friends. We are not able to be perfect, but God isn't asking us to be a prisoner of the law and sin (Romans 7:23). Set yourself free, find peace for your soul. First John 3:19-20 says, "We set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us, for God is greater than our hearts and He knows everything."
I just hope that future generations won't have to deal with this mess. That we will all be loving towards our children as they discover their sexual orientation. Then perhaps those that end up knowing they are gay can feel free to love and marry whomever they wish, there won't be hurt heterosexual spouses out there and their children left in the wake of this horrible decision gay men and women are making every day. "Do I stay and be faithful to my spouse and raise my children? Or do I leave and finally find happiness in true love with someone else?" Imagine if we could give that as a gift to our children? If we could allow them to accept themself as gay or straight and not make these mistakes in their own life. Its really not worth it to have a legalisitic tyranical view point, the soap box that many Evangelical Christians are standing on, is it? Why not err on the side of compassion? I believe that is what Jesus would do.
God bless you all!
1 comments:
Great article. Thanks for posting!
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