Unheeded Warning Signs

Today is my seven year anniversary. My husband had planned a small outing in the afternoon and dinner. This morning went as usual, the baby woke up, we fed her, she wanted to go outside and play. We all got dressed and got our shoes on and let her outside. Down the street, two houses down, lives her grandparents (my husband's parents). Right now they have an old RV parked outside their house that they are trying to help a friend sell. It has become my daughter KD's new favorite "toy"... she is only 19 months old. She likes climbing on top of the center bump between the driver's seat and the passenger seat and fiddling with the buttons on the dashboard. She sometimes leans over and gets to honk the horn as well. My husband and I will even let her stand on the driver's seat and hang onto the wheel while she smiles with delight.

KD was doing all those things this morning. I was sitting on the bump and watching her. I looked at the driver side's door, thought for a brief moment about it, and wondered if there was any buttons she could push that would cause it to unlock or whatnot... and then after a second decided it was fine. Then JD (my husband) and I started talking and I stopped watching her so closely. The next thing I know I hear her whining and I look over and see that she is wedged between the door and the car seat, her feet sticking up and she was struggling to get out of her predicament. I didn't react very quickly. I was thinking I don't want to yank her up by her feet and hurt her, and then as I leaned over the seat toward her she disappeared and the door flew open! I screamed!!! JD popped up and leaped out of the side door near him, ran around the front of the RV and scooped KD up. I ran behind him, imagining a bloody mess. He held her close and sat down on his parent's patio furniture with her.

All I wanted to do was hold her and see if she was bleeding and just to console her. He told me to go grab her pacifier for her... I ran next door and came back while he inspected her head and body. She fell four feet out of that RV and the only injury we could find was a red rash-like looking scrape on the top of her head. I was expecting some blood, but there wasn't any. Once I handed her the pacifier she reached for me and I took over the consoling role and she just cried into my shoulder while I rocked her and soothed her. She seemed pretty okay, all things considered... but JD and I were concerned about the blow she took to her head and thought it would be best to go to the Emergency Room instead of just wait to see if anything happens with her. She got a CT scan on her head, and everything was fine, PRAISE GOD! We spent over four hours in that ER and we were in no mood for going out to celebrate our anniversary by the time we got home.

After letting the days events stew in my mind I discussed my feelings of being an inadequate parent with my husband. I had that little warning flag go off in my head about that door and I didn't do much about it. What I should have done is check the lock and push on the door to make sure it was securely closed, actually I should have sat on the seat and been there holding her while she played around with things. Also, when we got home and inspected the RV driver door, KD's grandpa admitted that he had opened it earlier and didn't think to lock it behind him. He of course had no idea that she would be playing near it, and I had no idea he had opened it and that it wasn't locked. I'm sure grandpa is feeling guilty for not locking it, and I'm feeling guilty for not checking the lock and or sitting between KD and that door. JD said that these things happen, not to feel guilty about it or let it eat me up. He said he had let her play there before like that too and he could have done the same thing, check the door. I agreed. But I don't think I will every forget this experience and that warning flag that I barely gave heed to. Next time I have visions of a yellow flag waiving in my head I will pay attention! And I suppose that is enough of a lesson to learn.

I am also grateful that God's guardian angels are surrounding me and my family. I mean really... the extent that she could have been injured... just gives me the chills to think about it. But she is okay, and I give God the glory for that. Despite my humanness and imperfections He is watching out for that little girl, making sure she is okay. Just like my aunt who is in ICU right now after that horrible car accident, its amazing she is even alive! And there is no way for me to understand why. I mean, my step-mom, for example, had a son die from being in a car accident... and that was two weeks after my aunt ended up in the hospital and survived! And she was unsure of his spiritual state. He had wandered off from her and God many years ago, did drugs and drank alcohol. She isn't sure if he was saved. But here my aunt is, a true saint, a pillar example of a Christian... and she is still alive! Why would God allow a person to die that isn't sure footed and grounded in Christ, and not take home the one who is saved and now is suffering and struggling to recover from her injuries? We may not know the answer to those questions. But I know God has His reasons, His plan, and its what is right and good. I trust Him.

I am just counting my blessings, that things are not as bad as they could be... for me, my child, or my aunt. I don't even know if I deserve that. In fact I KNOW I don't deserve any special treatment. I am a sinner, saved by the Grace of God and Jesus' death on the cross alone. Nothing I am, or have done, or will do, will ever be enough to match perfection. I am thankful to be called a Child of God, and that I have a perfect Heavenly Father who sees all, knows all, and takes better care of me than I could ever even take care of my own child. Amen! He needs no warning signs, He never sees things in hindsight. He foresees every step, of every human being, even before the foundation of the world he had ordained the days of my life and yours, they were in His hands (Psalm 139:16). And somehow, that brings me comfort when life doesn't make sense.